For a certain (deviant?!) part of the audience, the name “Egg Lady” sends you straight to “Pink Flamingos.” Perverts.
See the John Waters scene on Youtube.
I'm talking about a different Egg Lady.
I met the Egg Lady back in the 1990s when I was working at a small radio station in Virginia. She’d come on my show every year, right before Christmas, and again right before Easter.
My wife would say that the “Egg Lady” was the kind of woman who was “put together.” Meaning, she was older (I’m going to guess 50+), but she clearly took care of herself. I don’t mean that she was a super-model or anything. But she always showed up tastefully fashionable, and age-appropriate attractive, leading with a hefty dose of charm.
Who the Egg Lady really was, was a PR person hired by, no lie, The Egg Council Of Virginia. He job was to criss-cross the very long state of Virginia, promoting eggs.
She'd stop into my station at Christmas and talk about clever recipes for Egg Nog. In fact, one year she gave us gift certificates that could be redeemed for a dozen free eggs. I will tell you that this was one of the most successful promotions I have ever been a part of in radio. People LOVE free eggs.
Of course Easter was the rush season for someone in the egg business.
And lest you think the Egg Lady was some silly souffle of a concoction, let me tell you that she was also a scientist.
She, along with the science department at Virginia Tech, had done extensive research on the best way to prepare Easter eggs for coloring.
Have you ever hard-boiled an egg, and when you peel it, it has a skin underneath the shell, that pulls chunks of the egg white out? She went into the lab to try to prevent that.
Longer boiling times. Shorter boiling times. Cold starts. Boiling starts. She tried them all.
What she discovered was this: You are better off not using super-fresh eggs. If you buy eggs and boil them the same day, you are more likely to have hard-to-peel eggs.
To this day, against instincts to use the freshest ingredients, I buy the eggs I'm going to use for Easter 7 to 10 days before I'm going to boil and color them.
Thanks for the life advice, Egg Lady, wherever you are.
I was waiting for the water to boil, thinking about marriage equality.
I've been glued to the news, following the arguments before the Supreme Court on marriage equality. It's an issue that I don't have any close stake in---I'm not gay and I don't have anyone immediately close to me who is unable to marry or is being denied benefits---and yet I feel like someone who does. It is highly personal for me.
In the gaps between news, I've enjoyed following the fun side coverage (like these pictures of protest signs), and reading comments on Facebook. And of course I've seen the many, many iterations of the Marriage Equality symbol.
An mvyradio listener on Cape Cod had, as of this morning had over 600 shares of an image he created, using the Constitution as a backdrop.
My mind, of course, made the connection. Bacon. Eggs. Equality. Eg-quality. Easter.
It was late. My wife was still at work. The kids were in bed. I knew how I'd be spending the next stretch of time.
Remembering the Egg Lady's instructions, I boiled a couple of the eggs I'd bought last weekend, and I got out the vinegar and the food coloring. After dyeing the eggs a light pink, I laid them out on a red dish towel and voila.
Now they were both tied to Marriage Equality.
And just to make things extra sublime, you know what song was in my head? The one that is always in my head, inappropriately, when I color Easter eggs each year.
Hear the song on Youtube.
