My wife and I were over our friends Scott and Wendy's house, watching our kids play with their kids.
One of the kids was playing with a very loud battery-operated toy. One of those things that plays some awful music, or shrieks, or is some kind of over-loud distraction.
It was pointed out that it had been received as a gift during a recent birthday party.
"Ugh," I said, "Whoever gave that to you must really hate you."
Wendy smiled and said, "Well, it's not as loud at that truck you gave our son."
Sheepish (first, because I had no idea what we had given for a gift as my wife does the shopping, and second, because I made myself look like an ass), I laughed and said, "Yeah, I guess we must really hate you."
If you've become a parent in the electronic age, you know that your kids' toys can make a f***load of noise.
I mean, last year, my daughter got some "Dinosaur Train" figures, and if you put two of them together, the dang things talk to each other. ("Hi, I'm a carnivore!" "Well hello, I'm an herbivore!")
My sister actually has a rule that she will not accept gifts for her children if the gifts make noise. And if Santa slips one through, the toy mysteriously loses its batteries after a week or so.
Now there are greater and lesser evils in the world of noisy toys.
Highly evil is the weird ball-counting toy that we have that has a creepy kid-like voice (but is not actually a kid voice) that sings "The world looks like a rainbow whenever I dance with you."
Not offensive, but crazily ear-wormy, is the music table that I see in all kinds of people's homes. Those of you who recognize "Zap-a-do-ba-de-ba-da-ba-de-bap-baa!" know what I'm talking about.
Slightly more tolerable, is the little toy/keychain thing that my kids refer to ask their "radio," called the EZ Track Player.
It plays about 30 seconds of some classic Motown songs every time you press the button.
For whatever reason, my son is fixated on Percy Sledge's "When A Man Loves A Woman."
So he hits the button and lets the full 30 seconds play.
Then he hits the button repeatedly, so you get a few seconds apiece of "Oh Girl," "Under The Boardwalk," and "If You Don't Know Me By Now," until it has cycled back to "When A Man Loves A Woman." Over and Over and Over.
I recorded a little bit of my son playing with it, using my iPhone. Hear him click through to his favorite bit.
I supposed it's better than the Strawberry Shortcake song, or dinosaur that walks and roars but has no off button.
(Listen at the 1:52 mark!)
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