The Nightwatchman "Flesh Shapes The Day"

Is there a lonelier man, than the man with a pregnant wife?

When you get to the point in your life where you have little kids you notice that there is certainly a gulf between your friends who have kids, and your friends who don't.

I mean, you can still all get along, but when you have kids, all decisions and all conversation seems to be dictated by the kids. And on the other side of the chasm are the friends without kids, who, try as the might (or who might not try at all) can't really understand why it's so fucking hard to make simple dinner plans.

But in the unfortunate purgatory, is the couple having their first child.

The friends who have never been pregnant, have no concept of how your 24-hours-a-day are ruled by a kid who hasn't even shown up yet.

And your friends who do have kids mostly just say, "You think you're tired now," with a shocking lack of sympathy. It seems to be an evolutionary truth that people who have gone through pregnancy, tend to forget or minimize the process, so as to make future pregnancies not wholly unattractive.

Meanwhile, it's you and your wife.

Not long ago, you were a responsible adult. You love your wife, but she's pretty self-sufficient.

But then she's pregnant, and in short order, you have suddenly become the third most important person in your own life.

And as far as other people are concerned, well, when you walk into the room with a pregnant woman, you might as well be invisible. And no, not a soul on the planet has a mustard seed of sympathy for anything that you might be going through, when there is a woman next to you who is in the midst of performing nature's greatest miracle.

So there we were, face to face, Scott and me.

I don't think we ever really talked about any of the above, but we implicitly knew the other's plight.

We, and our wives, met during a class for expecting parents at the local hospital. Our wives were due within a week of each other, and, I recall, were thrilled to have one another to talk to---someone who understood exactly what the other's body and mind were going through at that stage.

Scott and I, after some small talk about parenting things (co-sleeping, night feeding, nesting weirdness) moved on to normal topics. And believe me, you friends out there who have never gone through pregnancy (male and female), after 8 months of pregnancy, you are desperate to talk about something that is not related to babydom, that reminds you of that life you so recently had.

Scott is the editor of Cape Cod Magazine, but was looking to do some freelance work in music. He was getting ready to pitch a story to No Depression about Tom Morello and his upcoming solo project.

Well, I had recently interviewed Morello for mvyradio and knew a lot about No Depression. When I got home, I made sure to dig out a copy of an anthology of their best feature interviews, to give to Scott for some guidance.

Over the last 4 years, Scott and I have each had a daughter, and each had a son, all of whom play together regularly. Our wives, much on the same track in terms of parenting, have each other as a parallel-Mom to connect with. And when they need to escape the role of Mom, they have each other to go get a drink with.

And Scott and I have each other, when we need to connect with someone who knows what it feels like to be the fourth most important person in his own life.



Or to talk about music. I'm in vacation next week, and Scott is going to Guest Blog for me. Being the editor of Cape Cod Magazine, he is always connecting what he sees and hears, to the Cape and Islands. Starting Monday, he'll be writing about songs that make him think of our special spot on the map. They may be songs written about us, or they may just be tunes that connect with the feeling of this special place.

Hear my full interview with Tom Morello, and see a portion of it on Youtube.



Hear the song on Youtube.